Okay, yes this is Doctor Who. There are spoilers for The Angels Take Manhattan.

Alright, I got into Doctor pretty late into the series. Not counting little snippets I've seen from youtube the first full episode I had watched was season 5 episode 1 The Eleventh Hour. I think it's because of that, that I have a soft spot for Eleven, Amy, and Rory. Later I went back to watch the other episodes but I always found myself returning more often to season 5 and onwards.

That being said, this is most likely going to be the only Doctor Who journal I will write.

I just finished watching The Angels Take Manhattan. I read from Moffat articles that this is the episode that the Ponds say goodbye to The Doctor. I knew this and I was prepared.

I was not prepared.

The emotion that these actors put into the characters; Matt for Eleven, Karen for Amy, Arthur for Rory, was amazing and with the Doctors and Amys final goodbye I was nearly in tears. This entire episode was wonderful, with Eleven and River husband wife alongside Rory and Amy husband and wife. The suicide from the building and then with both Amy and Rory being transported by the Angels.

I was almost crying.

We know that we are going to get a new companion, the girl that played Oswin Oswald is going to be the new companion who plays a different character now I believe.

However I do not believe that anyone, past or future, can replace Amy and Rory for me as companions. They hold a special place in my fangirl heart and to have them no longer in the show, not just leaving The Doctor for their own lives but to be in a world that The Doctor cannot go to and see them that part reminded me too much of Rose hurts very much so.

I read on tumblr that The Doctor had so many other companions that he should be used to this or something like that. And  I disagree fully.

Yes, The Doctor has had countless companions.

But Amy and Rory were Elevens. Amy was the first person that Eleven had seen from his regeneration. He knew and bonded with her as a child and then later even more so as an adult. Rory not so much but he loved them both dearly. They were the first companions that Eleven had, the ones that as Eleven he had given his heart to.

And now they are gone.

I must congratulate Matt Smith on that performance. The agony and pain was very clear in his voice and his face and I must take my hat off to him. I remember another post on tumblr where he had gotten the script for this episode for the first time and he was reading it while sitting next to Karen. And I assume that after getting to the part where they say goodbye he broke down in tears. As Matt, not as Eleven.

I don't think future episodes of Doctor Who are going to be the same for me anymore with the absence of Amy and Rory. As a dutiful fan I will continue to watch but...it feels empty somewhat. And more depressing is that I have heard that this is Matts last season as well. The Doctor is going to regenerate into someone else.

If my heart wasn't completely broken before it broke at that. Eleven. Amy. And Rory. The three of them, gone completely.

I'll be posting my review of Elementary soon. I just need some time with this and trying to move on. As stupid and childish as it sounds I feel like I have been personally broken from this and I need some time to recover.